freewriting blasphemy

(Recently, I asked my students to experiment with freewriting…just letting words roll out from wherever they come. So, I thought I would do the same.)

I don’t feel like being metaphorical or creative or moving this morning. I want to get on with the day, but it’s already here. Somehow, I get into it without even knowing. That’s why I need these moments of nothing. Just existing. Some meditate.  Some pray. But for me, writing is the way to go. It’s a great way to express my feelings and burn the carbon out while exercising my limited vocabulary. But really, how many words does a person need? Get to the point. Say more with less. Save your savory language for dreams.

This may be a dream.

Occasionally, I believe I’m dead, but that my will to survive is so strong that I won’t let go of this reality. And so, I’m plugging along, going through the motions, creating sequences of events—complete with characters, action, comedy, and drama—because I’m afraid of the next dimension.

I see it sometimes. It’s similar to this one, but has me in another place, another time, with other people that aren’t my family. Well, they are my family there, but not my family here. And I’m just not ready to give up on this group yet. There’s still lots of love and work and play to be done.

Are we ever done?

Do we simply reboot and start over again?

Physical death is one thing, but the death of the mind and spirit is different. They can explain it all away as scientifically and godly as they like, but my beliefs are stronger.  At least that’s part of the character I play. Here. In this life. In the next, I hope I level up.  That I have grown.

The ringing in my ears gets louder every day.  I wonder now, is that the next dimension calling? Am I overstaying my welcome? Are there scenes that cannot be completed without me there?

It’s nonsense.  It’s delusional. It’s psychotic. But what’s to say it’s not real? 

Why can’t there be many dimensions all operating at once? And why can’t we travel back and forth? I’m confident I can get THERE, but I’m not sure I can get back HERE.

Are moments of Deja-vu evidence? Remnants?

Am I here, but also there right now? And if I am there, how am I operating without my core components—all that makes me well, ME?

This is a perfect discussion for a Sunday morning. Religious. Out of this world. Beliefs hanging on miracles. Angels and water into wine and healing. Rising from the dead. Doesn’t seem all that crazy, does it? Maybe if we do enough good, get centered, keep our bodies and minds clear, we are able to do unearthly deeds and simple things that can reshape the world.

No, I’m not a Jesus freak. Definitely not a Bible banger. Some people go to church because they are lost, but that’s not a good reason to go anywhere. If you’re lost, stay home. Dig deep into yourself without the guidance of those that want you to be the way they want you to be.

Create your own beliefs. Your own religion. Your own church.

~ KJ


One thought on “freewriting blasphemy

  1. We all need to a solitary place where you won’t be distracted by concerns’ walk in the woods, or a room where you don’t hear the noise. Where we can focus your thoughts. Sit comfortably, breathe deeply, and let yourself relax. When you feel peaceful, invite your thoughts to roam around freely and feel the stillness and wonder that surrounds you and your thoughts then remember what makes you come alive, the laughter of a child the winning score of the game the gentle crease of a hand, the voice who says Daddy where are you? Then you know your right where you should be.

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