Thinking a little

about bills

and savings

and checking.

How we go about

making

ends meet.

Wondering how my kids are doing at school

two days back after Christmas break,

and wishing my wife would quit her job,

just do what it takes

so she can bring color

to the world every day.  

I eat candy at my desk

to combat my nerves

knowing full-well

it negates my time on the elliptical,

builds fat

and rots my teeth,

but I am so busy thinking of ways

to make everyone else more money,

moving deeper and deeper

into this unexpected career

and life and routine

that I’m thankful for,

lucky to have,

and earned,

that I forget

what’s important—

time and space and this place and the love—

all of it

is running out and away.

It’s not until my lunch—

a hard salami sandwich and leftover macaroni and cheese—

hits bottom

that I take a seat on the toilet

read the headlines

and get a dose of reality.

The USA Today

shows two galaxies colliding,

making the stuff we’re made of,

and suddenly,

there IT is.

That great sense of dread.

It doesn’t matter if I wipe,

flush,

or get up.          

Even if there is a God

and meaning,

and much more work to be done,

all of it will be undone one day.

And there are no guarantees

that all of this beautiful confusion

is teaching us anything at all.

Like you

I don’t know what it is

or what to do

and sometimes

like now

sixteen minutes after nine pm

on a Tuesday night in the cold

of Alpena, Michigan

there is absolutely nothing else to do

but drink wine

and wait it out

as if there’s a tomorrow

that’s coming.

 

~ K.J.