Thinking a little
about bills
and savings
and checking.
How we go about
making
ends meet.
Wondering how my kids are doing at school
two days back after Christmas break,
and wishing my wife would quit her job,
just do what it takes
so she can bring color
to the world every day.
I eat candy at my desk
to combat my nerves
knowing full-well
it negates my time on the elliptical,
builds fat
and rots my teeth,
but I am so busy thinking of ways
to make everyone else more money,
moving deeper and deeper
into this unexpected career
and life and routine
that I’m thankful for,
lucky to have,
and earned,
that I forget
what’s important—
time and space and this place and the love—
all of it
is running out and away.
It’s not until my lunch—
a hard salami sandwich and leftover macaroni and cheese—
hits bottom
that I take a seat on the toilet
read the headlines
and get a dose of reality.
The USA Today
shows two galaxies colliding,
making the stuff we’re made of,
and suddenly,
there IT is.
That great sense of dread.
It doesn’t matter if I wipe,
flush,
or get up.
Even if there is a God
and meaning,
and much more work to be done,
all of it will be undone one day.
And there are no guarantees
that all of this beautiful confusion
is teaching us anything at all.
Like you
I don’t know what it is
or what to do
and sometimes
like now
sixteen minutes after nine pm
on a Tuesday night in the cold
of Alpena, Michigan
there is absolutely nothing else to do
but drink wine
and wait it out
as if there’s a tomorrow
that’s coming.
~ K.J.